For anyone who's ever been distracted by their ego)
It's been one month since I started this blog. I'm finding my days, these notes, and my life move along more seamlessly, when I rise early, exercise, open my heart, avoid thinking too hard, keep things simple, and stay off the internet for the first few hours of the day. The process of writing these posts has been invaluable to me. Yesterday was the first day, I took "off." I needed to. Having a day to refresh makes good sense, but there's more. My recent notes weren't easily falling out of my head, which left me wondering, "How did something so energizing start to feel like a chore?" We can lose motivation when we "have to" do something instead of choosing to, but no one's making me do this. I think there's a more powerful way that a passion and purpose filled act can lead to fatigue and that's when it stops serving the soul and serving others and starts serving the ego - when it becomes fueled by a desire for Facebook likes or the Nobel Prize ...in blogging. If I weren't writing these publicly or didn't have certainty that anyone was reading, would I do this? Would I take the time to explore a thought and see where it takes me, to set a tone for my day and to let the words fall out onto the page for me to read...on things I need help with? Yes,... I would, though doing this publicly has helped me keep my commitment to myself. This won't be the last time I'll have to tell my distracting ego - "I'm sorry, but you weren't invited and I'm going to have to ask you to leave." And, it won't be the last time I'll have to take up a chat with my soul and ask, "Now, why are we doing this?" But, as long as I'm having fun and believe there's benefit, for me and possibly others, then I'll keep this party going. Courtney A Brown To send this note to a friend:
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(For anyone wanting to hear from their soul.)
I haven't always wanted to hear from my soul. Sure, it was fine if it called while I was taking a shower, a walk or a drive. I was happy to get any ideas or answes to problems it might give. I just didn't want to be alone with it for too long. I feared it would tell me things my ego didn't want to hear - direct me to follow my bliss, insist I do something difficult, or speak some truth,...blah...blah...blah... "I can't hear you...We must have a bad connection...buzz buzz...." I might say before grabbing my laptop to check email or Facebook or get busy with...anything. Then I got sick and began getting up earlier to allow myself extra time. Like most souls, mine was waiting for moments of solitude. Noticing I was up by myself, it began talking in my ear. "Forget about your carcass." It didn't want to talk about what ailed me. It wanted to talk about bigger things like, "Why are you here?" It began to make dares, thinking this could be great fun; after all, it had been dormant for some time. It asked me for a chance - to I trust it a bit. Soon, it was insisting I make time for it... every day..... After it assured me it wouldn't speak to me through email, facebook or the news, I agreed to forgo these for the first 3 hours of the day. Overtime, we worked things out to our current routine. I wake at 4:30 and try to be receptive and open to whatever it has to say. Even though it's less interested in my carcass, I still get up, change clothes...drink a glass of water...stretch...drive to gym. There, I workout to my soul's favorite songs, which is when it starts tossing me goodies, at times, faster than I can jot them down them in my little notebook, without falling off the treadmill. It seems this soul has a lot to say - ideas, inspirations, solutions, dares but mostly feelings of peace and contentment, none of which I could hear, when I kept putting it on hold. Courtney A. Brown To send this note to a friend:
(For anyone attempting to keep a commitment to themselves.)
When I committed (to myself) to publish a daily thought, I forgot that ten days later, I'd be traveling and off my morning routine of solitude that allows me to put down whatever I think is asking to be written. This week I'm sending out my notes from my parent's house, which sits on a gravel road outside of Cheyenne, Wyoming. As much as I love being here, with them and my husband and daughter, it would kill part of me if I didn't continue to write these posts. I've had many false starts to doing what I love, where I let distractions, other people's needs or my lack of confidence get in the way. To hear myself say,"I really wanted to, but it was just too difficult to find enough time or quiet to write," at this point in my life, is intolerable. Before committing and throwing my knapsack over the wall, I wrote a daily unpublished "note" for 21 days. I wanted to see if this daily practice was possible given my limited time. Also, I thought if I built up a supply of posts, I could use them when the well of ideas ran dry, or some life circumstance got in the way. Once I started though, I realize that in order to build creative confidence, I'd have to trust that ideas would always come - the well would never run dry. And, if I wanted to develop a stick-to-it-ness confidence,...I'd have to stick with it. Fallback plans would only have me believe that sometimes this won't be possible. Short of being dead or in a coma, this is going to have to be possible. How it goes, is to be seen. But if I can do this under the most inconvenient and difficult circumstances,...then,... I can do this. So to the universe, I say "Bring it on." Courtney A. Brown To send this note to a friend: (For anyone considering making a contract with themselves.)
It's one thing to say you're going to commit (publicly) to a daily practice. It's another to do it. Yesterday, after blogging about my challenge/gift to myself in my 50th year, I told my husband about it. As I said it out-loud, I realized what I'd done. "Oh..sh## ...I just threw my knapsack over the wall." This favorite expression (less the, "Oh...sh##") came from our listening to the Harvard professor Tal Ben-Shahar on YouTube. It seems once your knapsack, with food and supplies, flies out of your hands and over that wall, you can't go back. All you can do is turn your attention to the details of getting over the wall. 'Throwing your knapsack' is a deal - a contract you make with yourself. It says, "This will be hard, probably embarrassing, scary, maybe even painful - but none of that's going to matter once you've committed." The only reason to throw your knapsack is when part of you (your soul) knows that if you don't, you'll stop moving forward on your path...Because, to throw it over and not climb is unimaginable. Courtney A. Brown |
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