Yesterday I wrote the most amazingly insightful and humorous post. You can't imagine how life enhancing it was...but you'll have to, because I accidentally deleted it...or you could say, Ms. Divine intentionally did.
Last night I while considering the title for it, my eleven year old daughter asked me a question. I told her I was writing a conversation with my soul about public speaking and thought I'd title it, 'Just Bring It.' "You should call it, 'Public Speaking'" she tells me. I go on to explain in lofty abstract terms why the more subtle title works better. My husband chimes in, "'Just Bring It' works". I push "Publish" or so I thought, and the post is gone....forever. Now, I could've allowed my head to explode, or put guilt on my daughter whose question and excellent point distracted me into clicking the wrong button. I could've rushed to rewrite the post to assure that anxiety ridden public speakers throughout the world would have a spiritual reference tool to save them in their darkest moment. I could ponder all the reasons Ms. Divine stopped that post, including my seeking others approval (always a mistake), my overthinking and not posting immediately, and my needing yet another lesson in frustration tolerance. Instead, I decided Ms. Divine thought it sucked, closed my laptop and went to bed. Courtney A Brown
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(For anyone trying to get out of their own way.)
Dear Ms. Divine,
Kind Regards, Courtney To send this note to a friend:
(For anyone wanting to hear from their soul.)
I haven't always wanted to hear from my soul. Sure, it was fine if it called while I was taking a shower, a walk or a drive. I was happy to get any ideas or answes to problems it might give. I just didn't want to be alone with it for too long. I feared it would tell me things my ego didn't want to hear - direct me to follow my bliss, insist I do something difficult, or speak some truth,...blah...blah...blah... "I can't hear you...We must have a bad connection...buzz buzz...." I might say before grabbing my laptop to check email or Facebook or get busy with...anything. Then I got sick and began getting up earlier to allow myself extra time. Like most souls, mine was waiting for moments of solitude. Noticing I was up by myself, it began talking in my ear. "Forget about your carcass." It didn't want to talk about what ailed me. It wanted to talk about bigger things like, "Why are you here?" It began to make dares, thinking this could be great fun; after all, it had been dormant for some time. It asked me for a chance - to I trust it a bit. Soon, it was insisting I make time for it... every day..... After it assured me it wouldn't speak to me through email, facebook or the news, I agreed to forgo these for the first 3 hours of the day. Overtime, we worked things out to our current routine. I wake at 4:30 and try to be receptive and open to whatever it has to say. Even though it's less interested in my carcass, I still get up, change clothes...drink a glass of water...stretch...drive to gym. There, I workout to my soul's favorite songs, which is when it starts tossing me goodies, at times, faster than I can jot them down them in my little notebook, without falling off the treadmill. It seems this soul has a lot to say - ideas, inspirations, solutions, dares but mostly feelings of peace and contentment, none of which I could hear, when I kept putting it on hold. Courtney A. Brown To send this note to a friend: To: Ms. Divine Your company would be greatly appreciated... At all moments, big and small November, 15, 2017 Starting at 6:00 am Dress code: However you prefer - as any coincidences, or in the flame on the candle here next to me, in my dogs eyes, my daughter's question, the faces of those I'll meet in my office, the lady at the grocery who puts the bananas at the bottom of the bag challenging me to speak up or be patient (I never know which), and any adverse events that I may prefer you not come as, but will be glad you did later. Gifts are completely welcome. No need to RSVP...I assume you'll be here. Courtney A. Brown
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