(For anyone wanting to hear from their soul.)
I haven't always wanted to hear from my soul. Sure, it was fine if it called while I was taking a shower, a walk or a drive. I was happy to get any ideas or answes to problems it might give. I just didn't want to be alone with it for too long. I feared it would tell me things my ego didn't want to hear - direct me to follow my bliss, insist I do something difficult, or speak some truth,...blah...blah...blah... "I can't hear you...We must have a bad connection...buzz buzz...." I might say before grabbing my laptop to check email or Facebook or get busy with...anything. Then I got sick and began getting up earlier to allow myself extra time. Like most souls, mine was waiting for moments of solitude. Noticing I was up by myself, it began talking in my ear. "Forget about your carcass." It didn't want to talk about what ailed me. It wanted to talk about bigger things like, "Why are you here?" It began to make dares, thinking this could be great fun; after all, it had been dormant for some time. It asked me for a chance - to I trust it a bit. Soon, it was insisting I make time for it... every day..... After it assured me it wouldn't speak to me through email, facebook or the news, I agreed to forgo these for the first 3 hours of the day. Overtime, we worked things out to our current routine. I wake at 4:30 and try to be receptive and open to whatever it has to say. Even though it's less interested in my carcass, I still get up, change clothes...drink a glass of water...stretch...drive to gym. There, I workout to my soul's favorite songs, which is when it starts tossing me goodies, at times, faster than I can jot them down them in my little notebook, without falling off the treadmill. It seems this soul has a lot to say - ideas, inspirations, solutions, dares but mostly feelings of peace and contentment, none of which I could hear, when I kept putting it on hold. Courtney A. Brown To send this note to a friend:
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(For anyone attempting to keep a commitment to themselves.)
When I committed (to myself) to publish a daily thought, I forgot that ten days later, I'd be traveling and off my morning routine of solitude that allows me to put down whatever I think is asking to be written. This week I'm sending out my notes from my parent's house, which sits on a gravel road outside of Cheyenne, Wyoming. As much as I love being here, with them and my husband and daughter, it would kill part of me if I didn't continue to write these posts. I've had many false starts to doing what I love, where I let distractions, other people's needs or my lack of confidence get in the way. To hear myself say,"I really wanted to, but it was just too difficult to find enough time or quiet to write," at this point in my life, is intolerable. Before committing and throwing my knapsack over the wall, I wrote a daily unpublished "note" for 21 days. I wanted to see if this daily practice was possible given my limited time. Also, I thought if I built up a supply of posts, I could use them when the well of ideas ran dry, or some life circumstance got in the way. Once I started though, I realize that in order to build creative confidence, I'd have to trust that ideas would always come - the well would never run dry. And, if I wanted to develop a stick-to-it-ness confidence,...I'd have to stick with it. Fallback plans would only have me believe that sometimes this won't be possible. Short of being dead or in a coma, this is going to have to be possible. How it goes, is to be seen. But if I can do this under the most inconvenient and difficult circumstances,...then,... I can do this. So to the universe, I say "Bring it on." Courtney A. Brown To send this note to a friend:
(For anyone looking for some inspiration or good morning workout music, or both.)
He did it again! Did anyone else see that? The first time was such a surprise...There he is on stage, before thousands in Frankfurt, Germany. He's the front man for One Republic and he's singing, "I Lived." "I hope if everybody runs," he sings, right before he takes his hand and does this amazing gesture, as if to toss me something. I don't see anything, but when it hits,...BOOM... I feel it reverberate through my body... "You choose to stay." "I'm staying!" I resist yelling out...so as not to disturb those on neighboring treadmills. The video came up on my phone when I searched for 'motivational songs' at the gym. This week it's been my 5am go to place for inspiration..."hope that you spend your days...but they all add up," It's also my go to place for thoughts of death ..."And when that sun goes down, hope you raise your cup." I love morning reminders that life is fleeting. They allow me to refocus on what matters. They invite a kind of boldness that ignoring death does not. "Hope when the moment comes...You'll say, I...I did it all." I know little about this group and it's lead singer, but I do know that song and that gesture has struck many souls beyond mine. Thank you, Ryan Tedder of One Republic, for writing it for your 4 year old son and...for throwing me whatever that was this morning. Courtney A. Brown To send this note to a friend: |
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"Divine" references the soul, our collective souls and the mystery of life. ArchivesCategories
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