(For anyone who hasn't yet met the authority or power that lies within)
I once heard a mentor use the term inner authority. I didn't know what he meant, and I didn't have any. I was a quintessential rule follower and people pleaser. *** Twenty years ago, I was one of four fellows in a training program. A fellow...fellow... had to leave, meaning the work of four would fall to three of us. This wouldn't have been the case if the faculty had actively recruited for the fourth position. I didn't want to work longer hours, but more, I didn't want to take on the burden of the faculty's failure to do its job. Having recently studied systems, I knew my fixing the problem - by agreeing to do more work - was going to further enable a dysfunctional system. While sitting in the office of my supervisor - a man with a knack for shaming and whom I feared, my inner authority showed up for the first time. She was calm, self possessed and matter-of-fact. "Really, I'll be perfectly fine if I don't finish this fellowship. I've done one year and have one year left. I could happily go and start my career now. If staying means more hours than I'm doing now and without more pay, well... I'm good to move on." We both knew the unspoken reality - my exit would leave only two fellows for whom it would be impossible to carry the load. The supervisors would have to do the work of the missing fellow, which was unprecedented. I wasn't threatening. I was ready to go. My inner authority decided what I could do and figured the other fellows and the supervisors could decide what they could do. How it worked out for everyone else, was not my problem. We don't always have the choice to "take it or leave it" (ie. when we depend on a situation to feed ourselves or family), but very often we do. The faculty chose to do the work of the missing fourth fellow. I finished the program. Though my career benefited from completing that fellowship, my confidence in my inner authority benefited far more. Courtney A Brown
2 Comments
Jean o neill
12/15/2016 07:17:41 am
I am learning so much about who and what am i i love reading what you have writte
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