(For anyone who, like myself, has struggled with believing they know what's right for others.)
There was a time, I thought that to help someone at a crossroads in their life, I had to give them a detailed map, program their GPS, or tell them exactly where to go - which way to turn. Then there was a time, I'd tried to hold back, bite my lip, and tell myself it was none of my business, BUT ...if they asked me, I'd jump right in with my sage advice. There was a time, I didn't say a thing, but was annoyed when they made a sh*ty decision. Of course, I'd never admit I was annoyed...it was just that they were so clearly making a mistake...I didn't want to see them hurt...I didn't want to hear about it when...." Then there was the time, I'd thought, "Well, they're just going to have to live and learn,...that's right,... live and learn..." There was also the time, I didn't say a thing..."Not my problem," I'd think...before patting myself on the back for my excellent boundaries. All of those times were more about me than the person I thought I was helping - my need to control their outcome and my knack for judging. Now, when I hear about a decision someone is making or has made, that I don't necessarily agree with, the better part of me chimes in... "Who the hell are you to agree or disagree, or know what's right for them or anyone else...When did you walk down that exact same path, have their exact life experiences, wear those exact shoes...what makes you think your inner compass has anything to do with their journey...and what makes you think a seemingly bad idea in the short term, isn't an ideal decision for the long term." Someone once said to me, "The best way to help someone at their crossroads, is to listen well so they can hear themself." Actually I said that. I'd gotten tired of quoting others, and decided it was time I started quoting myself. It was about the time that I stopped questioning everyone else's inner voice, and started listening to my own. Courtney A Brown To send this note to a friend:
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